By Kellyanne Lynch
25 October 1996
Disclaimer: I made up most of this story. This is the result of having a
cute little crush on the school mascot seniour year of high school. All the
Hillies are real people; I made up football players on the Raiders team. No
defamation or whatever intended to those mentioned in the story. COMPLETELY to
the contrary! I want to honour these people, 'cause they're rocking people. So,
if y'all ever stumble upon this, I hope you all like it!
Summary: This
is actually about Haverhill High School's one time mascot, the Thinker. And, in
the tradition of my high school works, VERY dramatic, and so freakin funny
Dedication: In the INCREDIBLY unlikely event that he reads this... oh
well, I'm dedicating this story to him anyway. To Barbeau.
Note: I left
in the original screwed up spelling, because I thought it was kind of cute.
Rating: PG
* Please email dearjoan@mikeypower.com with
questions, comments, theories, complaints, or words of wisdom.
--------------------------------------------------------
The
stadium roared with the cheers of the Haverhillites as their football team, the
Hillies, won their fifth game of the season. It had been a battle, but victory
healed rapid the wounds of the fighters. As the football players leapt off the
field to change, the crowd remained in the stands, too hyper to leave.
The crowd was lead by John Barbeau. He was dressed in a newly rented
white toga which was trimmed with brown and gold, Haverhill's colors. He had
golden shoes adorning his feet, eyeglasses framing his eyes, and perched upon
his head was a berette. He was the Haverhill High School Thinker, the mascot. It
had been his idea that Haverhill have a mascot, ambitiously desiring that the
team's spirits be lifted by hearing the fans behind them. Indeed, having a
mascot helped the Hillies. Ever since Barbeau had taken on his new identity, the
team had not lost a single game. He was a hero.
Beside him, covered with
brown and gold face paint and wearing her school colored pom-pom in her hair
like a ponytail, was Barbeau's girl, Kellyanne Lynch. She joined Barbeau in
bouncing around the stands like a lunatic. But this lunaticy had reason.
The Hillies' apponents, the Central Catholic Raiders, stayed on the
field. The coach hollered at his boys, demanding them to suggest how they went
wrong, but the Raiders were exausted with defeat. They preferred to remain
silent and discover for themselves their own individual mistakes.
"If no
one's gonna talk," the coach screamed, "then get outta here! Hit the showers and
just sulk like a bunch of babies!"
As one, the Raiders turned and
sauntered off the field. With this action from the field, the Haverhillites
rushed towards the locker room door and watched the Raiders go in.
"Boo!" some kid yelled. "Boo! You stink, Raiders!"
Others joined
in, hissing and booing the football players. Some of the Raiders shouted back
profanity or the like while the rest tried to ignore the Haverhillites. At any
rate, the Raiders hurried into the locker room.
"Man!" one Raider
slammed shut a locker door. "I hate those Hillies!"
"Man, Rheabsey, you
said it!" another player seconded.
"I want to get those Hillies!"
Rheabsey announced. "But how?"
"Something that would really get to
them!" a third kid piped up.
"We could egg them!" another suggested.
"Aw, Sceca, that's really dumb!" Rheabsey replied. "Rosco's right!
Something that would really hurt them!"
Rheabsey wandered towards the
showers but could not resist taking one final look at Haverhill's football
filed, the grounds were he had been worst defeated. He lifted a drawn curtain
and peered outside. In the stands, the crowd still celebrated, talking amongst
themselves, discussing the game. Rheabsey stared at the fans.
"How come
our people didn't show up to see us?" Rheabsey asked anyone who was listening.
"They never..."
Rheabsey caught sight of Barbeau.
"Hey!"
Rheabsey exclaimed. "Who's that goofy kid in the toga?"
"Him?!" Rosco
replied. "Oh, that's the Thinker!"
"The what?!"
"Didn't you
hear?" Sceca added. "Haverhill got a mascot!"
Rheabsey's eyes lit up. "A
mascot, huh! A mascot. Suppose he turned up missing..."
"Like, we take
him?" Sceca inquired.
"That's, like, exactly what I'm saying."
Rheabsey's eyes followed Barbeau. "Just look at that kid! He's ours!"
***
"It's getting cold out here, Kellyanne!" Barbeau commented.
"Want me to take you down to McDonalds or something? We could get a bite to
eat."
Kellyanne smiled. "You don't happen to have a car, do you?"
"Of course not!" he replied. "But someone's bound to be going that way!"
"Actually, I can't," Kellyanne informed him. "I should be going home. I
have a ton to do tomorrow."
"Oh," Barbeau reacted, "I'm so sorry to hear
that! I'll miss you!"
"I'll see you at the party tomorrow night!"
"Still too long!"
Barbeau leaned toward his girlfriend. "I'll be
thinking about you!"
Kellyanne grinned. "So that's what the Thinker's
thinking about!"
"All the time!" Barbeau returned her smile. "I'll walk
you home!"
"That would be great!"
Just as Barbeau and Kellyanne
got to the bottom of the stands, two cheerleaders approached them.
"Hi,
Barbeau!" one greeted him.
"Kate!" he responded. "How nice it is to see
you!"
Kate looked to Kellyanne. "Oh, hi, Kelly! That looks so great,
what you did with your pom-pom!"
"Thanks!" Kellyanne replied.
"Barbeau," another cheerleader piped up. "Look, we need to go over a
cheer with you."
"When? Now?"
The two nodded.
"Well...
okay." He turned to Kellyanne. "That means I can't walk you home. I'm sorry. I
hope you don't mind."
Kellyanne shook her head. "Duty calls."
"Good night, Kellyanne."
Barbeau embraced her and left a kiss on
her chilled cheek. Then he let her go into the darkness.
"The others are
at the concession stand," Kate told Barbeau. "Me and Michele told them to go get
something to eat before we practice."
"Let's go!" the other one
demanded, and they headed down the stairs to the concession stand. Few people
were still around. The concession stand had been closed to all but the football
players, cheerleaders, band, and coaches. Only three cheerleaders were in view.
Two were flirting with a football player, and the other was drinking hot
chocolate.
"Hey, guys!" Kate attempted to get the attention of the other
cheerleaders but caused three male band members and a football player to turn
around. With her second try, she called, "Hey, Danielle! Casey! Jen!"
"What!" Danielle snapped, glancing away from the football player with
whom she had been talking.
"Come here! We have to work on that new cheer
with Barbeau!"
"Now?!" Casey exclaimed, setting down her hot chocolate
on a bench. "I thought you meant later on! All the other girls went home!"
"Great!" Michele grumbled. "I waited around all this time for nothing! I
could have gotten a ride to the keg party!"
Michele stomped off.
"I'm sorry, Barbeau! I'm so sorry!" Kate apologized. "I pulled you away
from your girlfriend for nothing!"
"Don't worry, Kate," Barbeau replied.
"You couldn't have known."
Casey approached Kate and Barbeau. "We should
meet some time tomorrow and work on the cheer. It is a tough one."
"Yeah," Jen added. "We'll need your help to improve it too."
"Okay," Barbeau nodded.
"Let's meet out here tomorrow morning,"
Kate decided. "We can all make it here for ten, right?"
The date was set
with everyone's consent...
And with Rheabsey in ear shot. A sly smirk
stretched across his face. He would make it for his appointment tomorrow. He
would be there.
***
Barbeau showed up at the stadium fifteen
minutes early and decided to run a lap around the field while he waited. It was
a crisp autumn day, and the breeze carried the leaves across the field,
spirilling around the goal posts and stands...
And around the Central
Catholic Raiders.
"On my signal," Rheabsey instructed the Raiders, "We
grab him! Sceca, get in a good slug! We'll need you to knock him out. That way,
we can get him off the field faster, before the cheerleaders show up!"
As Barbeau circled around the scoreboard, a gust of wind rose and swept
leaves across the field, violently spinning everywhere. Beneath the wind storm,
the Raiders attacked. Barbeau cried out, then was silent. When the leaves
settled, he was gone.
***
"Okay, Kellyanne! I know Barbeau's
there! Just send him over to the field, all right?"
"But Kate!" Kelly
replied through the receiver. "I'm serious! I haven't seen him today!"
"But it's eleven o'clock! And he never showed up at the stadium."
"Maybe he overslept!" Kellyanne suggested. "I'll call over at his house,
then call you back!"
"Okay."
Kellyanne hung up the telephone,
then dialed Barbeau's number. Within two minutes, she learned that Barbeau had
left nine-thirty that morning and had not been homes since. Worry began to well
up within her. Something did not seem right.
As son as she hung up the
phone, it rang. Surprised, Kellyanne picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi,
Kelly! It's Flynn!"
Flynn Costello, the most beautiful girl at
Kellyanne's school and Barbeau's former crush, had never called Kellyanne at
home before. In fact, Kellyanne didn't even know Flynn had her number. This made
her even more suspicious that something was going on.
"I've been trying
to call you all morning, but your line's been busy!"
"Yeah," Kellyanne
replied. "I've been busy."
"Look, something just happened. I don't know
what to do, so I called you."
Kellyanne wondered why but allowed Flynn
to continue.
"The Raiders just stole our mascot."
"What?!"
Kellyanne exclaimed. "Barbeau? When? Where?"
"At the stadium! I was
driving by when I saw some Raiders drive off with him!"
"Where are you
right now?"
"Dunkin' Donuts, across the street."
"Well then come
over my house. I'll call some of the Raiders and see what's going on. They took
Barbeau for a reason, and I'll figure out why."
"Okay," Flynn hung up.
Kellyanne's heart raced as she reached for a phonebook. She flipped to
the Rs, and her fingers soared down each column, seeking out the last name of
one of the only Raiders that she remembered. When she found the number, she
began her attempts to dial it. First, she dialed so fast that a recording told
her to dial the number again. Next she missed a number. Then she called a wrong
number. Finally, she succeeded.
"Rosco residence! Maria speaking!' a
tiny voice answered the phone.
"Hi, is Jay there?"
"Yup! Who's
this? His girlfriend?"
"No," Kellyanne replied.
"Okay."
Kellyanne heard the phone being dropped on the other end of the line.
Then the same tiny voice hollered. "Jay! It's a girl on the phone!"
Within seconds, a husky pitch voiced, "Hey, sweetheart!"
"Um, is
this Jay Rosco?"
"Sure thing! And who might this be? The voice of an
angel?"
"Actually, no. This is Kellyanne Lynch. I'm from Haverhill High.
Listen, I know your team took our mascot."
"How?"
"That doesn't
matter!" she replied. "I just want to know what you want! Why'd you take him?"
"Oh, you'll know what we want!"
The doorbell rang, and Kellyanne
managed to stretch the phone chord far enough to answer the door. Flynn stepped
in. Realizing that Kellyanne was on the phone with a Raider, Flynn remained
silent.
"Well, can't you tell me now?"
"It's revenge we want,
Hillie! We just don't know what kind! We'll figure out what we want! In the
meantime, you just keep your mouth shut, and don't tell anyone who has your
mascot! And give me your number, so we can call when we know the details!"
Kellyanne quickly dictated her number over the telephone. Puzzled, Flynn
raised an eyebrow.
"Don't call us!" Rosco told her. "We'll call you!"
With that, he hung up.
"What'd he say?" Flynn inquired.
Kellyanne put down the receiver. "He hung up."
"Before that!"
"Apparently, they had no reason to take Barbeau, except for revenge.
They said they have no idea what they're going to ask for, but when they do,
they'll call me. And they said not to call back."
Flynn sighed. "So what
should we do? Wait?"
"I can't just wait!" Kellyanne replied. "Not with
Barbeau kidnapped! I'll just have to call another Raider. Know any names?"
"Sceca," Flynn answered.
After looking up the name and finding
the number, Kellyanne dialed it and was soon on the phone with Sceca.
"Yeah, we want revenge!" Sceca told Kellyanne. "And we'll get revenge!
Meet us at Central Catholic's soccer field tonight, and we'll discuss it!
Alone!"
***
"You told her what?!" Rosco exclaimed over the
receiver.
"We'll meet tonight!" Sceca replied. "What, was that bad?"
"Rheabsey's gonna hate it!"
"Then you tell him!"
"No,
you're gonna!" Rosco stated. "It was your dumb idea!"
"Fine! I Will!"
Sceca hung up and called Rheabsey.
The first words out of Rheabsey's
mouth after hearing the news was, "I'm gonna kill you!"
"But
Rheabsey..."
"We were suppose to decide what to do with that mascot kid,
then talk to those Hillies! Make them suffer! Make them sweat it out! How did
they find out in the first place?"
"I don't know."
"Well,"
Rheabsey sighed. "What's done is done. We're meeting the Hillie tonight! We'll
scare her! We'll bring Barbeau and kick him around a bit so she can go run back
to Haverhill and tell all the Hillies not to mess with the Raiders! Maybe this
is good! But remember, we're not making any agreements tonight with the Hillies!
It'll rattle them up and make them scared! After tonight, the Hillies will never
dare boo at us again! And we'll own the victory!"
***
Shadowed
by her crimson cloak, Kellyanne advanced towards the soccer field, Flynn
following at a distance as back-up. The Raiders stood in a V, lead by Rheabsey.
Barbeau was no where in sight.
"Which one of you is Sceca?" Kellyanne
asked.
"No need to speak to him!" Rheabsey replied before Sceca could
say a word. "I'm in charge here!"
Kellyanne dropped her hood so that the
Raiders could see her face. "Where's Barbeau? Let me see him!"
"As you
wish, but you may just regret it!" Rheabsey snapped his fingers, and two Raiders
brought Barbeau to the front. Barbeau had indeed endured much that day. His face
was bruised from the attack at Haverhill's stadium, and he hung his head down to
watch where he walked. His steps were staggering as he was shoved forward, his
arms tied with the ropes wrapped around his torso.
"Here," Rheabsey
announced, "is your beloved mascot!"
With these words, Barbeau lifted
his head to see his girlfriend.
"Kellyanne!" he exclaimed.
"Barbeau!" she replied, stepping closer. "How are..."
Suddenly,
Rosco jumped into her path.
"You can not come any closer to him!"
Rheabsey stated.
"Okay," Kellyanne reacted. "What is it that you want?
The Hillies and I are willing to give you anything! Just, please, don't hurt
Barbeau! Let him free!"
Rheabsey laughed. "Well, it's nice to know we
have Haverhill's support, after we steal their mascot! What was all that booing
we got from them last night? Yes, we know Haverhill has respect for us! Just as
we have respect for you Hillies!"
On cue, the Raiders began hissing and
spitting at Barbeau. Sceca came forward and kicked the Thinker to the ground.
Barbeau's glasses fell off his nose.
"I said Haverhill would do
anything!" Kellyanne reminded them. "Now leave him alone!"
Rheabsey
picked up Barbeau's glasses. "Okay, we'll make things better for him!" He handed
Kellyanne the glasses. "Here! Now he can't see what's coming!"
"What do
you want?"
"Just for the Hillies to suffer! And this seems to be working
just fine!"
"Name your price," Kellyanne demanded. "Anything. Just say
it, and it's done."
"My price is to keep your mascot until I have a
better price! You may leave now!"
"Not without Barbeau!"
Suddenly, from the bushes, a stick crackled.
"Who's out there?"
Rheabsey asked. "Are you hiding someone back there? We said to come alone!"
Sceca hurried into the darkness and pulled out the Haverhillite he found
there.
"You broke our agreement!" Rheabsey stated. "You'll pay for
this!"
He gave Barbeau a swift kick.
"We'll keep him longer!
Tied up, guarded with armed Raiders! You try and breech this new contract, and
you'll all be dead! Not just your mascot!"
Rheabsey produced a hand gun
from behind his football uniform. Pinning Barbeau to the ground with one foot,
Rheabsey aimed his gun at the mascot as well.
"Leave now, or leave after
you see me finish off your mascot! When I say we'll set up another meeting time,
I mean it!"
Sceca set Flynn loose, and she and Kellyanne ran away from
the soccer field...
But not far enough so that they could not see what
was happening there.
"Let's get going!" Rheabsey barked at Rosco and
Sceca. "We'll take our very own Hillies mascot back to Central! Set up double
guard for tonight!"
"We have to get him out of there!" Kellyanne
whispered to Flynn.
"Tonight?!" she exclaimed. "But you heard what they
said!"
"We can't risk having Barbeau stay with them any longer!"
Kellyanne wrapped her fingers around the eyeglasses. She knew she had to free
him tonight. She would return the glasses to Barbeau...
***
When
most of the Raiders had driven off in their cars, Kellyanne and Flynn made their
move. They expected to slide into Central through the gym door which was usually
kept open for the homeless, but it was locked shut. Kellyanne saw only one light
on in the entire school, on the second floor.
"That has to be where
Barbeau is!" she exclaimed. "We have to climb up there!"
"How?" Flynn
asked but soon saw the crooked bricks which lined the walls of the school.
"We're not climbing up the side of the school, are we?"
"Hope you're
wearing your sneakers, Flynn!" Kellyanne replied before she reached for the
first brick. Flynn followed her lead. It was indeed tough. Central Catholic was
a high school, so scaling it was strenuous [A/N - This line just cracked me up].
With each inch that Kellyanne gained, she felt even more that she and Flynn
would fall. But they couldn't They just had to make it. They had to free
Barbeau.
Kellyanne was relieved when her hand touched the window ledge.
With all the strength left in her, she pulled herself onto the ledge. Then she
turned and gave her accomplice a hand up.
When the two gazed into the
window, they saw a janitor sweeping the floor.
"Oh, no!" Kellyanne
whispered.
The janitor left the room, closing the lights. [A/N - That's
the Bostonian term for shutting off the lights]
"The window's probably
not locked, though!" Flynn pointed out. She reached under the window and pulled
it up. The window opened with ease, and the two jumped inside.
"Now to
find Barbeau!"
Flynn and Kellyanne wandered the top floor but found no
one there. The janitor had gone home, and the school was dark. They descended to
the next floor. When Kellyanne began figuring that the whole idea that Barbeau
was there has just been a trick, she heard a soft humming.
"Stand up and
cheer!" the voice murmured. "We're gonna cheer for dear old Haverhill! For
today, we're gonna raise the brown above the blue, above the blue! Our men are
fighting! We're gonna win or going to die! We're gonna win, rah, rah! We're
gonna win, rah, rah! We're gonna win for Haverhill High! Stand up and..."
Kellyanne was just about the round the corner when she heard someone
yell, "Hey! Quit it with that song, Hillie!"
"We're gonna win, rah,
rah!"
"Hey..."
"We're gonna win, rah, rah!"
"I said to
knock it off!"
"We're gonna win for... ah!" Kellyanne and Flynn heard
Barbeau cry out.
"That's what you get for singing Haverhill songs! I'm
sick of hearing your dumb team spirit! You Hillies stink! We've won this one!
Now sit tight! I have to go make a phone call!"
Flynn and Kellyanne
heard the guard stomp off. When footsteps were no longer heard, Kellyanne peaked
around the corner. She saw a Raider sleeping outside a classroom and heard
Barbeau singing Haverhill's fight song again. She and Flynn stepped around the
corner, and Kellyanne opened the door. Barbeau was in the dark, his back against
the wall beside the door, his eyes shut.
"Barbeau?" Kellyanne whispered.
"Flynn?!" he exclaimed. As he turned to see Kellyanne, she put his
glasses back on his nose. "Kellyanne! And Flynn!"
"We have to get out of
here!" Flynn reminded them. They rushed out of the room and towards the front
door. Unfortunately, a Raider guard saw them. He fired a hand gun at them as
they ran, but he was unable to stop them. They were out the door and running
towards the bushes when they stopped.
"We've made it!" Barbeau breathed.
"Flynn, Kellyanne, thank you so much!"
"I have to get home," Flynn told
them. "See you later!"
"Thanks again, Flynn!" Barbeau said before she
left.
As soon as Flynn was out of sight, Kellyanne dropped to the
ground. Barbeau held her in his arms, realizing that she had been shot.
"Kellyanne," he whispered. "No! You've done so much for me, and I've
done nothing for you!"
"Yes, you have, Barbeau! Yes you have!" Kellyanne
smiled, then fell asleep in the arms of John Barbeau, the Haverhill High School
Thinker, the mascot, her hero.
THE END
*********
AHH! I
killed myself off!!! Now I'm thinking that, if Barbeau DOES end up stumbling
upon this, he's going to be afraid to see me at our high school reunions! Parts
of that were SOOO cheesy, and I almost ralphed a few times. But that was SOOO
stinkin funny!!! I know it didn't make any logical sense, but please review!
Danke!